Monday, June 29, 2009


Beneath the Planet of the Apes (1970) - What the hell? Where's Charlton Heston? After the first five minutes he disappears until the end of the movie! Dammit, I need Hesty swagger. Hesty 'tude. I feel like I just bit into a ham sandwich with no hammy overacting in the middle.

Damn you all to hell!

The Plot: This simian sequel focuses on a second astronaut who arrives in the future and must find Taylor (Heston) to solve the mystery of the Forbidden Zone where a race of radioactive mutants worship a giant, golden phallus, um, I mean nuclear missile.

Favorite Parts: Monkeys on horses!

The true stars are the apes. Lots and lots of apes. For the apes, I give Beneath the Planet of the Apes three bananas.

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